“And a space pirate does what, exactly?”
“Steals things. For money. And entertainment.” Snake gave Horatio the once-over. “What does a rock star do?”
“Makes music. For money. And entertainment.”
–Oleander Plume in Horatio Slice: Guitar Slayer of the Universe
With Horatio Slice: Guitar Slayer of the Universe by Oleander Plume launching on July 24th, we’re excited — and so are the space pirates, just FYI. Calls of “Hor-ee-to!” resound throughout the Go Deeper Press office, which is actually very small, so you can imagine how the neighbors feel.
Anyhoo, we thought we’d share a few tidbit quotes from the book, pre-launch — glimpses through the space pirate’s keyhole, if you will.
In Horatio Slice, you’ll find space pirates, impressive fight moves, and scaly Reptilians:
“It’s true,” Stiles said. “I once saw Sugar do a forward flip off a roof and, while upside down in midair, shoot a Reptilian straight between the eyes before landing perfectly square on those high-heeled boots of his.”
Sugar nodded. “And then I went home and made pie.”
You’ll also find beautiful boys from faraway dimensions:
Gunner tried not to stare back, but Sugar was hardcore gawking material. His shoulder-length blonde hair was slicked back with gel, no doubt to show off his exquisite features: enormous green eyes, a tiny nose, and plump lips slicked with shimmery pink gloss. Instead of the pirate gear Gunner expected, Sugar wore an impeccably tailored gray suit, paired with a pink shirt unbuttoned to his waist that revealed a toned body. Gunner whimpered out loud when he noticed Sugar’s cock and balls protruding from a slit in the front of his trousers and wondered if Sugar coated his cock head with the same gloss he used on his lips. The hint of sheen made Sugar’s Prince Albert piercing even more inviting.
You’ll meet a vampire whose kisses bring orgasms. And get ready for deep romance:
“You know how much I hate biting you that hard.” Snake’s eyes turned back to polished silver. “But I keep doing it because you’re so beautiful when you come.”
“I love it when you do that,” Sugar said. “It’s like you’re fucking me with your fangs, fucking my soul. The bite pierces that deep.”
You’ll learn that dragons are kinda bovine:
“I swear, you guys, I’ve been to Scotland a few times, and it looks like this,” Horatio said. “All the stones, the hills, and…holy fucking shit, was that a dragon?” Horatio pointed to the sky. “That fucker was big enough to block out the sun.”
Gunner dug his fingers into Sugar’s arm. “Where?”
“Sweetheart, they’re more afraid of you than you are of them,” Sugar said, tousling Gunner’s hair.
“Yeah,” Horatio huffed, “people say that about bears, and bears will chew your ass up.”
Snake stared up at the sky. “I’m trying to think of an animal that’s similar to dragons.” He snapped his fingers. “Cows. Dragons are like cows.”
“Dude. I don’t know what your cows do, but back home, they don’t fly.” Horatio gave Snake a shove and laughed.
And there’s a LOT — we cannot emphasize this enough — of deliciously pornographic fucking:
“You want my dick in deeper?” Horatio dragged the pad of his index finger over the tip of one of Snake’s fangs and pushed the cut against Snake’s tongue.
“Mmmmph,” Snake muttered while he sucked Horatio’s blood.
“I’m calling that a yes.” Horatio pushed in deep. “You like that?”
Snake nodded. Horatio was a finesse fucker. He had perfect rhythm and speed, moving his bulk with a gracefulness you wouldn’t expect. Horatio wrapped his fingers around Snake’s dick, his signal that he was about to come. One day after a three-hour session in the woods of Environ, Horatio and Snake discovered that they could come in sync every time.
Some folks have a dick that, you know, vibrates:
While he’d never used a vibrator before, Gunner imagined Saber’s dick rivaled even the most powerful model. The pulsations reverberated into his balls and up his shaft, creating a steady stream of pre-come that left a puddle on Saber’s stomach.
“Good, huh?” Horatio said between sharp breaths.
“I’m. Coming. Already,” Gunner said.
And last, but not least, Horatio himself will teach you a thing or two about guitars. After all, they aren’t only used to slay dangerous creatures, you know….
“Play something,” Gunner said. “All you’ll do is kill monsters that would try to eat us anyway, right?”
“Do it, Slayer,” Snake said. “I’ve always wanted to hear you perform, well, outside the bedroom. And you’re damned good at that.”
“Okay,” Horatio said. “You guys asked for it.” He pointed to Gunner. “Name the song.”
“You got it, babe. Shield your loins, dudes! Anything could happen.” Horatio took a deep breath and played. His voice was rusty at first, but after a few lines of the song, he was warmed up and ready to wail. The wind picked up and thunder growled in the distance, but Horatio barely noticed. He was singing—fucking singing. The very act made his balls ache. Okay, maybe his nads throbbed because Gunner sat leaning back on his hands, eyes heavy, with a dreamy smile on his face. Right when he got to the second verse, a bolt of lightning split a massive tree down the middle and set it on fire. “Thanks for coming to the show, Vanguard,” Horatio said, quickly wrapping up his set. “See you next time.”
Gunner burst into applause, but Snake just stared, open-mouthed. “Holy shit!” Snake said.
“That’s why the guy’s a billionaire.” Gunner beamed.
Lastly, there’s a mask-wearing villain called Meridian. And that’s where we leave you. Because if you get caught peering through his keyhole, being tied up’ll be the least of your worries….
Yes, Horatio Slice: Guitar Slayer of the Universe by Oleander Plume is coming soon to a dimension near you.
Roll on July 24th, 2017!
–Lana Fox quoting Oleander Plume’s Horatio Slice